Not Yet Broken
by fly-away-free
Summary: This is a rather dark fanfiction. James is a heavy drinker and drug abuser, and Lily and one-year-old Harry are suffering. Oh yeah, Sirius is a drunk too. Then something TERRIBLE happens and Lily no longer has a safe place to go too. Kind of... depressing
1. Lily's Night Alone

The night was fairly cold for August. Lily Potter shivered in her thin jacket, holding her young son Harry closer to her, just as much for her warmth as his. She sat on the park bench, jumping at every slight noise, fearing her husband James would arrive.

'Not now,' She thought desperately, 'Please, God, make him stay away…'

For James Potter had sunk so low. Once Head Boy at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he was only eighteen before he discovered the 'magic' of street life. Once said to be the brightest boy in school, James Potter was an eighteen-year-old father with heavy drug and alcohol usage and an abusive nature.

Lily sighed. She had never thought that her life could come to this, never thought that she would be living on the streets like a homeless muggle, fearing the moment when James, her beloved James, would come and demand for the money she didn't have. Or worse, Sirius. He was stronger than James, and he didn't love Lily as James had. For James wasn't an evil person, he was just another one of the sad stories, of good people gone astray.

The wind blew harder on Lily's back, bringing with it a chorus of drunken voices.

"What? Sirius Black! Why dincha tell us?" James' voice was wobbly, "oh, who gives a damn? Where's my Lily?"

Lily tried to duck down on the bench. James spotted her and ran over, stumbling on his own feet.

"Lily baby!" James' hot breath on her face smelled like whisky, "you look cold… oh well. Have any money for me?"

"No," Lily's voice was faint; not wanting to know what he'd do this night. Walk away? She doubted it. Yell? Tell her how she should get a job instead of sitting around? Was this one of the nights where James would call in Sirius, and the two would search her for money? Lily shivered. 'Is this what the rest of my life will be like?' she asked herself.

"YOU WORTHLESS LAZY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING LITTLE BRAT!" James bellowed at her. Lily shielded Harry away from James' wrath, in case he became violent. "GET A JOB! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO! I HAVE DEBTS TO PAY! YOU'D BETTER HAVE ENOUGH BY THE END OF THE WEEK!" He spat on the ground in front of her, "That's what I think of you!"

Lily felt like crying. Why had she gotten herself into this life? But, she reminded herself; practically every girl at Hogwarts had wanted James. He was charming, sweet, handsome, and friendly, to all. It wasn't Lily's fault. How could she possibly know he would turn into a -monster?

She kept her face buried until the sounds of James complaining to his friends had died away. Shaking, Lily stood up, holding Harry tightly. He had woken up at the sound of James yelling at her. Now he began to cry.

"Shh, shh, little Harry," She said soothingly to the crying boy, "We'll go to Uncle Remus' house… he'll have something warm for you to eat."

Lily set off, holding Harry tightly in her arms. Dawn was breaking from over the clouds. Harry nodded off to sleep. Lily only hoped that Remus was at home. For the past six months, Lily had counted on him for support, both financially and emotionally. Remus was poor, so she tried to help him out with everything. James was wrong. Lily did have a job, but all the money she made, she would give to Remus in return for shelter and food, even though Remus hated getting paid for helping Lily out. Over the past six months, he had grown to love Lily like no one else had. He just hoped that the day never came when his help and love just weren't enough.

Remus was lying in bed, thinking. Wondering where Lily was, and if James was mistreating her. He felt a rush of anger towards his old friend. How dare he treat Lily like pond scum? Lily was like the flower she was named for, pure, sweet, and beautiful. And James Potter had destroyed that beauty, crushed her in his hand. Oh, sure, everyone had loved James Potter. All the girls had died to be around him, and with the guys he was mister super-cool. No one had seen this coming. James was the brightest scholar in school, except for maybe Sirius. They had all drifted so far apart, the original Marauders. Peter a Death Eater. Remus living by himself, secretly in love with Lily. James, a heavy drinker and drug user, living on the streets. Sirius, same life as James, except he hadn't ruined the life of two other people, as James had, Lily and Harry.

Just as Remus was about to check his watch, he heard a knock on the door. Thank God!

Remus flung open the door gleefully, shouting "Lily! I'm so-" He stopped in mid-sentence, the rest of it coming out in a strangled voice. It wasn't Lily. It wasn't even James.

"T- T- To- Tonks?" He finally gasped out, "I haven't seen you in- awhile!"

But that wasn't all. Beside Tonks stood Kingsley Shacklebolt, and a man that Remus faintly knew to be called Dawlish. He looked slowly from one to another, and then something clicked in his mind.

"But-" He stammered, "You're all…Aurors…"

"Yes, Mr. Lupin, I'm sorry to inform you, but you are under arrest," Kingsley said in his deep, calming voice. He chuckled, "Don't look like that, Remus. It's not really arrest. Just come with us to the Ministry for questioning."

"What? What for?" Remus was outraged. He pulled out his wand, "what? I never did anything wrong!"

"Come on Remus!" Tonks looked grieved, "and put that away!" She said sharply, eyeing his wand.

The man called Dawlish spoke, "come, come. Enough with this nonsense, you two! Nymphadora! Kingsley!" Tonks winced at the sound of her first name, "You do not reason with a suspect!"

Tonks and Kingsley looked highly affronted. Kingsley was the first to speak. "Come on, Remus. If you're innocent, which," he added at the look on Remus' face, "I'm sure you are, then you'll be home by tonight!"

"Yeah, come one, let's just get this over with!" Tonks pleaded. It was making her feel horrible to see him look so pained. Remus was usually quiet and calm.

"You- you don't understand!" He spluttered, "there's someone that I'm supposed to stay and wait for! She's in trouble!"

Tonks, Kingsley, and Dawlish all exchanged looks. Tonks and Kingsley looked uncomfortable.

"It's okay, you won't be gone that long," Kingsley assured, breaking the silence.

Remus finally consented.

"Do you have a book in your house? Anything I can use to make a portkey?" Dawlish asked Remus.

"Sure, got a book right here…" He fished around in his pockets, and brought out a battered looking old muggle journal. Dawlish pointed his wand at it and muttered something.

"Okay, grab on," said Tonks. She was a bit distracted, trying to read into what the journal said. Remus felt the familiar feeling of having a hook just behind his navel, and the whoosh of colour and sound, until he felt his feet hit the floor. Shaking his head, he looked around, confused. This couldn't be it… they were down by the old courtrooms! The Aurors lead him, Remus not knowing where they were taking him. They stopped in front of a heavy wooden door with bolts on it. He finally knew where he was. Level Ten, where the old courtrooms were.

"What?" Remus said blankly, "I don't even know what I'm getting charged for!" He shouted at the backs of the Aurors.

The wooden door opened, and a witch with a pale, flabby, toad-like face looked sternly at him, "Remus Lupin," She said, with disgust in her voice, "you are making an undue amount of noise. Already I do not like you, half-breed. Do not give me further evidence to incriminate you."

Remus was nonplussed. Suddenly, he recognised her. Dolores Jane Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister. She was particularly foul and biased against all wizards that she considered 'half-breeds'. Since Remus was a werewolf (by no choice of his own), she had hated him before their first meeting.

"Do come in," She continued with a sickly smile, "the Wizengamot awaits you and your trial!"


	2. Down in the Courtroom

Molly Weasley sat at her kitchen table with her head in her hands. From her spot downstairs she could hear seven-year-old Bill Weasley, her son, talking to her husband, Arthur.

"Daddy, is mummy very upset?" Bill inquired, with a serious, worried tone that was unlike him.

Arthur sighed, "yes, she is honey."

"Why?" Bill said innocently.

"Because…" Arthur sighed again, "we talked about this. Remember how I said we had to be very careful not to upset mommy because of Uncle Gideon and Uncle Fabian?"

"Yes, I know mummy's very upset about them dying." Bill had been shocked and sad when he heard about the murder of his favorite uncles. But he was still a little bit too young to fully grasp it.

When you live in a world of magic, where wounds and broken bones can be mended with a flick of the wand, it's hard to understand that the dead are not coming back, Molly reflected.

"That's right." Arthur smiled a tired smile at his young son.

"But she seemed sadder today. You told her something and she took a big breath and got all white." Bill informed him.

Molly was amazed at the perception of her son. How could he have guessed that the news brought today was what caused her tears? The voices of her husband and son faded out as she was again consumed by the grief that threatened to overwhelm her…

Molly heard Arthur's heavy footsteps on the stairs. He sat down at the table and sighed for a third time.

"You know I have to work tonight," Arthur finally broke the silence.

Molly didn't reply for a long time, only looked wearily down at her growing stomach. "I guess you do," She said softly after a pause.

"Send Charlie by Floo powder to the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Department at the Ministry if you need anything. Perkins will be there, and he'll know how to contact me." Arthur got to his feet and stretched.

Molly smiled at him, hiding her disappointment at the fact that she would be alone again. Suddenly it struck her how old he was getting. They both were. Too old to be tracking down dark wizards.

Molly was downstairs making tea when she heard Bill's voice from just above the stairs.

"Mummy?"

"Yes, darling?" Molly turned in time to see Bill trip over his pajama feet.

"Mum, Ronald- whoa- Ronald's getting out of bed. And I think he's crying." He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "how late is it?"

"Pretty late. Thanks for telling me. I'll go see him." She put down her tea and began towards the stairs to see what Ron needed. Bill followed her.

After Ron had been settled, Molly trudged up the stairs with Bill to tuck him in bed again. He had a look on his face like he was wondering something.

"Mommy, Ronald cries lots doesn't he?"

"He's a baby. All babies cry."

"Yeah. Did I cry a lot?"

"No, you cried about average, I guess. Not too much, not too little." Molly smiled at her son. "why do you ask?"

"Well, before I thought just babies cried. And then Uncle Gideon and Uncle Fabian died, and I was really upset. I actually-" Bill seemed hesitant to say something. "Well, mommy, I cried when I heard that. In my room."

"Oh, Bill, that's okay. Everyone cries. Even your dad cries sometimes."

Bill's eyes got huge. "Daddy cries? I've never seen him cry."

Molly gave him a hug. "everyone needs to cry sometimes."

"Okay." Bill seemed reassured. "You know, I love you mommy. And I love daddy too. I hope nothing bad happens to him, ever ever. Or you."

"Don't worry about it, Bill. Daddy and I are very safe." Molly said, hoping her words would hide her thoughts. With both of them in the Order of the Phoenix, it was a miracle that they had come so far without being touched.

"'Night, mommy." Bill snuggled under the covers.

"Good night, Bill," Molly called softly from the door. But Bill was already drifting off to sleep, his thoughts untroubled by where his dad was, knowing that mommy would keep everybody safe.

Back in the kitchen, Molly reheated her tea and stared into the dregs. If Voldemort wasn't stopped soon, if the Order didn't succeed, then Bill might very well be joining the Order when he turned 17 and graduated from Hogwarts. Or an even worse prospect- he could be without a dad.

That was Molly's worst fear- losing her family. And it had finally come true. Her two brothers, Gideon and Fabian Prewett, had been murdered. They weren't sure who had done it, but they had an idea. That was what had made Molly's face white and her tears many this evening. The accused was Remus Lupin.

She buried her face in her hands, and tried to forget. Getting up, she turned and looked at the mess that was in the living room. Those two three-year-old twins of her were a menace. They were going to grow up to run a joke shop or something. She shook her head and dumped the tea down the sink.

Across the country, in the old courtrooms underneath the Ministry of Magic, Remus Lupin paced the hallway and waited anxiously for the jury to reach their verdict. He thought he had done a good job, but… you never know with the Wizengamot. He still did not understand why they had accused him of the murders of Gideon and Fabian Prewett. Hopefully Molly and Arthur Weasley hadn't found out, because he knew they were having a hard enough time dealing with the death of their brothers. Finding out that one of your most trusted friends was accused had to be a blow.

Suddenly the door swung open and Tonks, Dawlish, and Kingsley, along with a couple of other Aurors burst out.

"Tonks! You stay here with Remus!" Dawlish shouted.

"What! But you need me to come!" Tonks was clearly upset.

"Do as I say! You're not as experienced as us and you could get hurt. Now stay with Remus, we have to leave!" Dawlish blustered as he ran.

"Fine then, GO and leave me here! What if you need an extra hand? Hmm? They're powerful dark wizards! They'll fight you, no doubt!" Tonks snapped and stopped dead in her tracks.

"No time to talk! Be an angel, Tonks, and stay here!" Kingsley yelled over his shoulder at her. "and don't do anything stupid!"

Tonks looked furious but she agreed. The second she did, the Aurors rushed down the hallway, sprinting to make up the time they had lost arguing.

"What was _that _all about?" Remus was confused. "I thought the Wizengamot was judging my trial."

"They were," Tonks said, still looking angry, "but then Dumbledore got an urgent owl. They've found the Longbottom's torturers."

Remus gasped. Alice and Frank Longbottom, two highly respected Aurors, had been tortured into insanity by a gang of Death Eaters from Voldemort's inner circle. "Who was it? And where are they?"

"It was Rodolphus and his wife Bellatrix Lestrange, and Rabastan Lestrange. Rodolphus's brother. And-" Tonks's voice lowered. "Barty Crouch Jr."

Remus stared at her, dumbstruck. "Barty Crouch's son?"

"The very same. Guess Crouch doesn't take much time off work to see what his son's been up to. But weird, hey… the biggest opposer to the dark side, got a son who's a Death Eater… apparently he got his order straight from Voldemort, is what our spy tells us."

"And Bellatrix Lestrange being Sirius's cousin?"

"Yep. Distantly related to me, as well. My mother's cousin's cousin. So that'd be… hmm… my second cousin twice removed? No, that can't be right. My third cousin…"

Remus tuned out to Tonks's musings, and turned his worry onto his own case. Was he just going to be let free? Or would he have to wait until they judged the Longbottom's trial? He interrupted her thinking aloud with a question. "Did they say if I was free to go or not?"

Tonks seemed mildly surprised. "Oh, pretty much. The only people that opposed you were that Umbridge woman, and Fudge. Oh and this other guy, weird looking fellow, caught him picking his nose once… funny story, actually…"

Remus's heart felt a thousand times lighter. "So they don't think I'm guilty?"

"Nah. Umbridge is just prejudiced against all werewolves." Tonks grinned. "So got any love in your life?"

Remus shook his head, laughing. That was classic Tonks. Change the subject to something that interests her. "Nope. Just keeping an eye out for Lily."

"Oh, how is she? I hear James and his friends are pretty rough on her." She seemed genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, he's a jerk alright. But I think he's straightening out his life- Lily and I convinced him to go to counseling. When he isn't drunk, he treats Lily like gold. 'Cept those times are getting fewer and fewer. He'd do anything for her, but drinking is a hard habit to break, especially when you're in as much debt as James is."

"That's true love for you." She smiled.

Remus smiled too. He only hoped that it would be enough to keep James from blowing his top and doing something crazy.


	3. The Book on the Steps

Lily Potter struggled against the cold wind with her jacket up, covering her young son, Harry. She was tired, very tired, and hungry. Her head ached from Harry's nonstop crying an hour before. He had finally fallen asleep. Lily sunk down to a bench to rest on her way to Remus's house. She pulled out an old, battered journal from a pocket inside her thin windbreaker.

_August 14th, 1981_

_Awfully cold tonight. Harry slept most of the night, until James came and woke him up with his yelling about money. I really don't know what's wrong with him. Remus took him to counseling, and when he's sober he's the old James- but drinking is just too much of a temptation for him. Then he drinks himself into debt, yells at me, I go to Remus's house, Remus takes James to counseling until drinking is too tempting. A vicious cycle. _

_Remus is an angel. I really don't know what I'd do without him. I feel bad taking his money and food, considering it's hard for him to get a job, being a werewolf and all, but I don't know what else I can do. My wages are barely enough to pay him for half of what he provides for me._

_The Order of the Phoenix isn't doing too well. A few of our members have had terrible things done to them. I cried for weeks when I heard what happened to Marlene McKinnon. They got her whole family. And of course Gideon and Fabian Prewett- Molly Weasley's brothers- murdered, both of them. Took a whole load of Death Eaters to get them, although I heard surprising news that a few people that aren't Death Eaters are being accused. Apparently they're not even in Voldemort's ranks. Plus, Frank and Alice Longbottom- well that was terrible. Tortured into insanity…I could happily kill the Death Eaters that did it to them and never regret it. Rumor has it that it was Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange. I remember Bellatrix as a quiet, shy girl that got bullied quite a bit. James used to be so mean to her. But no wonder- he had the most inflamed ego I ever saw._

_We had a picture taken a few months ago of all of us- before James became a drunk. I haven't seen Molly Weasley since- I think she'd die of shock if she saw me now._

_That goes for all the girls in our year at Hogwarts. Didn't they just all want to kill me, all because James was infatuated with me. How I wish they could see what he's become- the devilishly handsome playboy, James Potter, that everyone wanted. Living a street life._

_Everyone except a few. Among them, I'm remembering Bellatrix wasn't a James fan. She was quite in love with Remus, until she moved to Durmstrang in fifth year. Smart girl. Remus is like a brother to me, and probably would beto a lot of girls- whereas James is the annoying boy that lives beside you and always pulls your hair, but you can't help falling in love with._

_I remember now that Remus had a crush on me back then. I liked him too, before I dated James in seventh year. I wonder if Remus even remembers back then… I'll have to ask him. Speaking of Remus, I should be getting to his house. Harry's starting to stir._

Lily stood up, tucked away her journal, and began the long walk to Remus's house. The sun was starting to come out, and gradually the street lights faded. The wind blew, harder and harder, whipping Lily's hair out of place and sending it streaming in front of her face.

Finally she got to Remus' house. Exhausted, stumbling, she tripped up the front steps. Harry stirred at the sudden movement, and began to whimper in his sleep.

"Poor child, you've seen more than anyone should ever… but thank God you won't remember a thing." Lily sighed and held Harry close. She wished she too could forget, be like her little son and just go to sleep. Lily, however, knew she would remember ever brutal night she spent on the street.

Climbing the steps to Remus' house felt like tackling a mountain. When Lily finally reached the top, she paused and leaned against the door. She felt so old and weary. If the Lily Evans of even three months ago could see her now, she would never have believed it could possibly happen. James would _never _have let this happen to her, right?

Lily raised a tired hand to knock on the door. She waited. And waited. She frowned. Remus never took this long to answer the door. Oh well. She shrugged. He must be sleeping or something. Lily knocked again, louder this time. She sank down onto a step, close to tears. He wasn't home.

The realization hit her like a triple-decker bus. Lily sat on the step for a long time, wondering what to do. Then sleep finally overpowered her, and she rested her head on the welcome mat.

'Just a little nap. Then I'll be refreshed for work in the morning.' Was Lily's last thought before drifting off.

After being released from the Ministry a few hours later than he got there, Remus Lupin was thoroughly confused. He had absolutely no idea why the Ministry of Magic would accuse him of the brutal murders of Gideon and Fabian. Him, twenty-year-old Remus Lupin, prefect in his Hogwarts days. Whatever. He shook himself mentally. It was just that Umbridge woman against 'part-humans', the stupid biased bitch.

"It's not _my _fault I got bit by a werewolf," Remus muttered angrily as he walked down the street. He stopped suddenly. Lily! He had totally forgotten that she might be waiting for him, hungry, cold, and with a one-year-old son. He cursed, and apparated quickly to his house.

When he got there, there was an eerie kind of silence. Lily was nowhere in sight. Remus frowned. Where could she be? Surely not with James and Sirius, they were probably passed out drunk by now.

Remus shrugged and walked up the steps, stubbing his toe on the stupid little muggle garden gnome statuette.

"Son of a-" Remus hopped on one foot, then tripped in the dark and landed with a thud on his front doorstep. He groaned, rolled over, and his cheek hit a small black book that was lying on the doorstep. His pain momentarily forgotten, he picked up the book, and puzzled, flipped to the front page.

"This journal property of Lily Evans," he read aloud, and finally understood why it was laying abandoned on his doorstep.

Remus was tempted to open it, but decided against it and shut the journal firmly. The question in his mind was why would Lily leave something so obviously private lying around?


End file.
